Is it My Job to Talk to “Cute Boy”?

We all know the dilemma.

You’re a single girl, minding your own business. You just finished biology class and arrived at your favorite coffee shop, settling down into one of the comfy chairs in the corner. You have dinner plans in 2 hours and hope to finish at least half of your life-span paper by then. It’s Friday, you don’t have any plans, and you’re attempting to be ok with that. The sun is streaming through the cafe’s windows and you adjust your laptop so that you can see the screen better. As you do, you catch your reflection in the dark screen and appreciate, for a moment, the fact that your hair is actually in it’s place. Everything is going along dandy.

Then.. enter Cute Boy.

He walks through the glass doors, the jingle of the bell behind him, and scans the room for a place to set his black backpack. He’s cute, but not in the I-Know-I’m-Cute kind of way. He seems oblivious to the fact that the wind blew his curly hair into a rumpled yet intriguing mess. He nods to the barista behind the counter and decides on a table 15 feet from your chair, making unnecessarily-long eye contact with you on the way. After a small smile he sits down, takes his laptop out of his backpack, and you realize you stopped in the middle of a sentence about the stages of early development.


You see Cute Boy. Cute Boy sees you.

You’re attracted to Cute Boy. It seems as if Cute Boy is attracted to you.

You have 2 free hours with nothing to do. (No offense, lifespan paper.)

What do you do?

I’ve been there, too many times to count, and every time the same thoughts run through my mind. It’s not my job to be the one to talk to him first. He’s the guy. That’s his job. My female self-entitlement takes a mind of its own and suddenly I find myself glued to my chair and sure of one thing.

It is, without a doubt, Cute Boy’s job to do the talking.

So I sit and do nothing. My stomach drops a bit out of disappointment when he leaves the shop an hour later. In my attempts to shake it off I walk up to the counter, order a white mocha, and decide tonight would be a lovely night to finish season 2 of Friends.

Lather, rinse, repeat.


This is not a post to point fingers at girls or guys. We’re all people, trying to make our way in this crazy, confusion-filled world of Singleness. This is more of a plea for us to take the pressure off of the whole thing. I have a dream that we can live in a world where single girls can talk to single guys without her phone blowing up because her friend heard from a friend that she was talking to a Cute Boy in a coffee shop. I have a dream that Cute Boys can feel confident striking up a conversation with a girl in a leather chair without fearing rejection in every sense of the word.

Friends, listen up, we’re all people. We all feel the butterflies (or lack of), we all long for adventure and companionship and dream of walking down a boardwalk, licking ice cream cones with our hot date on a Friday night. And we all fight nervousness when we see someone cute walk into a coffee shop.

Ok. Cool.

Now that we’ve got that covered, can we just talk to each other?

(Before I step on anyone’s toes, I want to clarify that I am referring to the initial get-to-know-each-other. Later on in the relationship, I believe girls and guys have very different roles, but that is a post for another time.)


Is it your job to talk to Cute Boy? Sure! What’s the harm in striking up a conversation? Chances are, ladies, he’s just as nervous as you are. And guys, there’s nothing wrong with turning around in your chair and inquiring whether or not she has a drink recommendation.

You never know, it might be a conversation you look back on forever.

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